


The Rink Isn't Only For Skating

by lazermonkey



Category: Rise (TV 2018)
Genre: AU, Hockey, M/M, Slow Burn, figure skating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-05-03 07:47:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14564346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazermonkey/pseuds/lazermonkey
Summary: A Siremy Hockey Player/Figure Skater AU





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Beta-ed by my friend!! Please leave feedback, I'm super excited to be writing this :)

“Are you sure practice starts at 5, honey? I don’t see many cars here,” Simon’s mom looked around, a concerned look on her face.

Simon refused to look her in the eye as he spoke. “Yeah, mom. The guys just like to get here early for warm-ups and stuff. No big deal.”

Mrs. Saunders nodded hesitantly but didn’t say anything as Simon left the car. He waved goodbye before sighing in relief that she believed him.

A wave of ice cold AC hit Simon in the face as he walked into the ice rink. He made his way to the bleachers, off to the side, so the people on the ice wouldn’t notice him. “Alright ladies and gentlemen, we’re going to practice the Lutz. Take a few minutes to practice on your own and then we’ll get in lines and practice with music,” the figure skating coach announced to the group.

Simon set his stuff down next to him and leaned forward, watching as each skater would skate around and practice the spin. Simon took time to admire each performer, noticing the differences in their approach to the spin, their lead-ups, and even the way each of them would land. They all had their signature way of doing the move and it left Simon in awe. There was one person in particular who nailed the Lutz with such grace and fluidity, that he almost got goosebumps.

The coach lined them up and put on a simple classical piece and told them to skate down to the blue line (to Simon it was known as the Defending Zone) and that’s where they should start their Lutz. Simon was mesmerized as each line performed, wondering how they had the bravery to throw themselves into the air and trust themselves not to slip.

After a few reps, the coach told them to take a break and get some water. Simon distracted himself with his phone when a voice distracted him. “You could always come and join us, you know.”

Simon’s head snapped up and he gave the coach a startled look. “I… uh, I don’t know how. To skate.” Simon grimaced at his words and the coach chuckled.

“Don’t know how to skate, huh?” She gestured to his gym bag that had the logo of his hockey team embroidered on the front.

He gave her an apologetic smile, “I don’t know how to skate like _that_ ,” Simon emphasized, hoping she knew that he meant figure skating.

“The hardest part is actually learning how to glide on the ice. You’d probably pick it up quick. Get your skates on and come join us,” she smiled, which gave Simon a warm, reassuring feeling.

He gave a curt nod and rummaged for his hockey skates. As he joined the rest of the group in the middle of the rink, he felt the heat rise up on his ears. He shouldn’t be here, he’s a hockey player, not a figure skater, _he shouldn’t be here_ \- “Okay, guys, we have a new skater out here. He’s been watching our practices for awhile and I thought he should give it a try. What do you guys think?”

Simon blushed as he was called out for being there at every practice, but he chanced a look at the other skaters. They all seemed to be supportive, except one girl who just glared at him. His eyes locked with the boy who he particularly liked watching, before yanking his gaze away quickly.

“Alright, to not scare him away too quickly, we’re going to go back to basics. Just treat this as another warm-up for today. The first thing I want you to do is practice jumps,” the coach explained, before giving a demonstration.

 _This should be pretty easy_ , Simon thought, as he watched the rest of the group practice. He did a few jumps in place and commended himself for not slipping.

The next step was to jump while moving. More difficult, yes, but still pretty simple. Or so he thought. As he flew through the air, pride radiated through him. But as his skates hit the ice, he felt the uneasiness in his stomach that indicated he was going to fall to the ground.

He hadn’t had a feeling like that since he started learning to skate. The falls he took in hockey were from being slammed by another person, not from losing balance.

As his tailbone his the ice, he hissed in pain. The brunette who was glaring at him earlier glided by, a smirk how crossing her features. “Not as easy as you hockey asses think, huh?”

“I never -”

“Save it. I don’t actually care. I’m just glad you fell on your ass and made a fool of yourself.”

Simon rolled his eyes as he got up, wiping his hands on his pants. He tried again, ignoring the pain radiating from his tailbone. He slipped as he landed, falling on his side this time. _Dang it_.

He sat there a moment, watching the other skaters and how they did the trick. There was nothing specifically he noticed that helped them. He figured he just needed to keep trying.

He tried again and again, not once being able to keep his balance and stick the landing. The most recent time he smacked the ice in frustration. The sandy-haired boy skated by, reaching a hand down to Simon. Simon took it gratefully and was surprised when he didn’t just skate away.

“Try bending your knees when you land. And keep your back straight, don’t lean forward. That’s just a myth of keeping your balance.”

Simon nodded. He remembered hearing that when he was first skating, and it helped a lot. “Thanks,” Simon smiled.

“I’m Jeremy, by the way,” the boy said, holding his hand out again, but this time as an introduction.

He took his hand, “Simon.”

Jeremy smiled at him and Simon got that feeling again. Like he was slipping and about to fall. He looked down quickly but he was still on both feet, completely stable.

Simon shook his mind of it and thanked Jeremy again before skating off, attempting the trick once more. As he started to land, he focused on keeping his back straight, and as his blades hit the ice, he allowed his body to follow through.

He braced himself for the fall that never came. As he opened his eyes, he was sliding forward with a huge smile on his face. Jeremy rushed over, a similar smile plastered to his lips. “That was great! You landed it!”

The coach called them over before Simon could reply, but Simon was beaming at his accomplishment. “We’re done for today, everyone. We have to get out of the way for the hockey team, so make sure to hurry it up. Simon,” she looked over at the hockey player, “we start practice at 3:30, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Feel free to join us any time.”

He nodded, flashing her a full-tooth smile. The coach told everyone to dismiss for the day and Simon saw the other members of his hockey team start to arrive. Some just glanced at the ice while others stopped and stared, as if trying to see who was out in the rink.

“I, uh, gotta go,” Simon said quickly before rushing to the locker rooms.

“Whatcha doin’ with the dancers, Simon?” One of his teammates shoved him as they walked by, chuckling.

“Don’t tell us you’re gettin’ soft,” another called out.

“Or goin’ gay!” Another yelled.

Laughter rang throughout the locker room and Simon felt like he was falling again. But this time, being shoved to the ground.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just more of Simon learning to figure skate and admiring Jeremy from afar. Hopefully it's not too boring, but there are going to be more parts! Feedback and critiques are warmly welcomed! :)

“Nice hustle out there, gentlemen,” the hockey coach, Coach Wheelen, said to the team as they skated toward the locker rooms.

“Don’t forget we have a scrimmage this Friday. Stay focused this week and have an even better practice on Thursday!” His voice echoed around the rink.

Simon chugged his water and took off his gear slowly, not wanting to deal with the other guys. He didn’t want confrontation. Why did it bother him? Why didn’t he laugh right along with them?

He fumbled around until everyone else had left, sighing as he got up. As he exited the locker room, a voice stopped him. “Simon! Hey, Simon, wait!”

The boy being called whirled around to see Jeremy jogging up to him. “Oh, hey Jeremy. What are you still doing here?”

Jeremy rubbed the back of his neck, redness creeping up to his cheeks. “I, um, stay to watch the hockey practices.”

Simon’s eyebrows shot up. Oh.

He started heading toward the door but gestured for Jeremy to walk with him.

“You’re really good,” Jeremy admitted to him, looking everywhere but Simon.

“Um, thanks. It’s definitely nothing like figure skating though.”

“That’s for sure. I like the pace of hockey, though. The intensity of it,” Jeremy explained.

“Me too. There’s always something going on.”

Silence washed over them as they were engulfed in the darkness of the night. Simon dared a look at Jeremy and he couldn’t help but notice the way the moonlight bounced off of his features.

He almost looked unreal in the blue light. His features were softened and made him look like some Greek god. “What?” Jeremy chuckled.

Simon’s eyes widened and he looked away quickly, coughing. He hadn’t realized he was staring so long. Jeremy started new conversation quickly. “So are you going to come to practice Wednesday?”

“Maybe. I have to convince my parents to let me. Without telling them where I’m going,” the last sentence was barely audible.

“I think you should,” Jeremy nudged him.

They stared at each other for a few moments, soft smiling, only to be interrupted by the honk of a horn. “Let’s go, Simon.”

Mr. Saunders gave a suspicious look from behind the wheel. “I’ll see you around, Jeremy,” Simon said giving a small wave.

“See you Wednesday, Simon,” Jeremy smirked as the other boy entered the car.

When Wednesday rolled around, Simon felt sick to his stomach. He really wanted to go back to the figure skating practice, but he wasn’t sure what or how to tell his parents. Especially his dad. Three o’clock rolled around and Simon was practically sweating.

He grabbed his bag with his gear and went to the kitchen. “Hey, I’m going to the rink. Extra practice and such,” Simon said carefully.

“You’ve got a scrimmage coming up, right?” His father asked him.

Simon nodded and his father smiled. “I’m glad you’re preparing. You’re the best one on that team.”

Simon chuckled, glad there was no suspicion. “You’re just saying that because I’m your son.”

“Honestly, Simon. You’re a fantastic player. Colleges from all over are going to want to recruit you.”

“Thanks, dad,” Simon said, a hint of sadness in his voice.

He rushed out before anything else could be said. Of course his dad wanted him to get a hockey scholarship. It would help their family so much, since they had to take care of his sister, too. Now, here he was, secretly going to figure skating practice.

Maybe it wouldn’t turn into anything. Maybe he would end up hating it and just stop going it. Or. Maybe he would love it and want to pursue it further. Simon shivered at the thought, as he started his walk to the rink.

His thoughts never silenced as he entered the doors of the rink. The familiar scent of old food, sweat, and the Zamboni washed over him and he felt relief, but only for a moment.

As his eyes drifted to the ice and the figure skaters, butterflies decided to have a party in his stomach. He almost turned back, almost regretted coming here at all.

But then his brown eyes met blue-gray ones across the rink and he gained the courage to take that next step forward.

“Okay, everyone, we’re going to start with our warm-ups, per usual. Back crossovers, 3 turns, scratch spins, basic jumps. Simon, basic jumps for now.” Coach Sullivan gestured for everyone to line up while Simon went off to the side to warm up on his own.

His first few attempts were wobbly, causing him to fall. He eventually got into focus and remembered what Jeremy told him on Monday. Back straight, bend the knees. He landed jump after jump, his smile growing wider with each success.

Once he felt comfortable, he watched the other skaters do a turn of some sort. They would skate on one foot, then rotate themselves halfway through the move. Seemed simple enough. He practiced skating on one foot, something he wasn’t used to, but he quickly picked up. He then attempted to reorient himself while gliding, only to slip and wobble. _These moves are never as easy as they look, are they?_

He continued to practice, eventually understanding the momentum of the trick, but his ankle started to ache after doing it repeatedly. He prided himself on learning a trick on his own, but by that time, the others were done with their warm-ups.

Jeremy slid by, “looking good, Simon. You picked that up quicker than Jill did.” He nodded his head at the girl who seemed to hate Simon for no reason.

“To be fair, I was still learning how to skate properly. He already knows how,” Jill sneered, joining the two. “I don’t know why you keep talking to him, Jeremy. You need to focus on your routine more than the rest of us, being as you’re up for semi’s in two weeks.”

The coach called them over before Jeremy could respond, but Simon was left in awe. The rest of the practice consisted of the group teaching Simon, while Jeremy and the coach focused solely on his routine. Simon couldn’t help but get distracted as the boy gracefully moved through his jumps and spins, landing each one beautifully.

Jill snapped her fingers at Simon. “Focus, asshole. You want to be here during our practice and waste our time, you better take this seriously.”

Simon sighed and went through the motions that were being demonstrated to him, slowly picking up the moves, but nowhere near the level of the rest of them.

As practice came to a close, Coach Sullivan asked the group to watch through Jeremy’s routine and give him constructive criticism to what he could fix. As the song rang through the rink, Simon’s eyes stayed locked onto Jeremy.

His body would bend and move as if it was in water. He had such control over everything he was doing, from the moment he was off the ground, to the spin he would land into. Simon knew he was just watching a routine that had been practiced over and over, but he felt as if it was dance. Once that Jeremy put his entire self into, that could only be expressed and delivered by the sandy-haired boy.

It wouldn’t have looked nearly as beautiful if one of the other skaters had performed the routine. Even though Simon had only known Jeremy for a couple of days, he could tell how much this performance meant to him; how much skating meant to him; it was his release.

As the song came to a close, Simon snapped back to reality.

As the other skaters commented and critiqued his performance, Simon could only think of one word: Perfect.

He may not be a figure skating expert, but he didn’t notice any mistakes under the amount of soul he put into his performance, and that’s all that mattered, in Simon’s eyes.

“You could fix your footwork. Still.” Jill practically spat, rolling her eyes. “You’re told constantly how it needs to be better.”

Jeremy just nodded, his chest still heaving from needing to catch his breath. The coach dismissed them after a few more comments but held Jeremy back. Simon continued to glance at the pair while he took off his skates and packed them up. Everyone had left quickly, which left Simon and Jeremy as the last students left. “Your performance was great,” Simon said excitedly as Jeremy approached him.

The frustrated look that hung on Jeremy’s features seemed to lift at Simon’s comment. “Really?”

Simon nodded, noticing how Jeremy’s eyes practically sparkled. “It was beau-” * _cough*_ “fantastic.”

Jeremy was quick to pack up, following Simon out of the building. “How did you convince your parents to let you come today?”

Nature was doing that thing again, where it made Jeremy look ethereal. Simon almost didn’t hear the question, but was able to snap back and answer, “I told them I was doing extra practice for the hockey scrimmage on Friday.”

Jeremy hummed, giving Simon a sad look. “I had to, they don’t know I’m doing this. And if I don’t keep up with it, I don’t want to burden them with the worry. I have to see how I feel about it first.”

“How do you feel about it?”

“Honestly?”

Jeremy nodded.

“After watching you perform, I know I want to look like that. I want to learn how to do what you do.”

A warm smile graced Jeremy’s lips. “I could teach you, you know. Like, by ourselves. So you don’t have to worry about Jill or Coach.”

Simon took a deep breath. He could barely focus with Jeremy around in a group setting, or alone for a few minutes after practice. He definitely wouldn’t be able to focus for an hour alone.

“Yeah, that would be great.”

Jeremy’s smile widened, rising to his eyes as well. “I know you need to focus on the scrimmage Friday, so we could start next week?”

Simon agreed and they parted ways. His thoughts were flooded with different scenarios of what could happen when they practice alone. Some were bad, some were good, some were… more than friendly.

Simon was screwed.


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Simon’s scrimmage :) some small cute fluff moments. More in the next part!

He didn’t show up to the figure skating practice that Friday. He was too nervous it would throw him off his game for the scrimmage. Playing Center wasn’t an easy job and he had to have his mind completely on hockey or he could mess up the entire game. 

 

He did, however, show up an hour early to watch the end of figure skating practice, and to talk to one person in particular. Their practice always finished half an hour before hockey practice started, in order to give enough time to pack up and leave, and for the Zamboni to clean up the ice. This also allowed for a short conversation between Jeremy and Simon.

 

“Hey, you looked good out there,” Simon commented, bounding up to the boy in question. 

 

Jeremy seemed surprised that Simon was talking to him. “Oh, um, thanks!” 

 

An awkward silence followed, as neither boy knew what to say. Simon really wanted to as if Jeremy was staying for the scrimmage, but he didn’t want to seem too forward, either. Or interested. Because he wasn’t. Right?

 

As Jeremy finished packing up, Simon was about to explode, hoping he would say something. He glanced at the locker rooms, where his teammates started entering. “Well, have a good - ”

 

“Are you staying for the scrimmage tonight?” Simon blurted.

 

Jeremy smirked, knowing exactly what he was doing. “I can if you want me to,” he replied slyly.

 

Simon glared at the boy, but couldn’t hold it for long. “Yes. Please.”

 

Simon sprinted away, only having 15 minutes to get ready for the scrimmage. But he also wanted to hide the giddiness he was feeling inside of his body.

 

Jeremy was still riding the high of Simon asking him to watch his scrimmage. He couldn’t stop smiling and thinking about the look on Simon’s face. He pulled the sleeves of his sweater over his hands as his friend Michael joined him in the stands. 

 

“You seem pretty happy,” Michael chuckled, nudging the boy next to him.

 

“Simon asked me to stay,” Jeremy replied, a giggle forming in the back of his throat.

 

“You were going to stay, anyway.” Michael cocked an eyebrow.

 

“Yeah, but he  _ asked _ me.”

 

Simon’s team - the Tigers - entered the rink and started skating around a bit and warming up before the other team arrived. Jeremy’s eyes were locked on Simon, watching the intensity of his movements and the panic of his speaking to his teammates. Jeremy didn’t know a lot about hockey, but he could tell Simon was a big deal. Captain? He wasn’t sure. But everyone seemed to respect him.

 

They took a short break and Simon took a moment to look at the quickly filling stands, as if looking for someone. His eyes scanned the crowd until he finally spotted something - someone - and smiled, skating back to his team. Jeremy could only hope that it was for him. 

 

The scrimmage was more brutal than Jeremy could’ve imagined. He heard hockey was rough, but he never pictured people slamming each other around or having fights in front of the goal. He winced as Simon was slammed into the wall and watched as he shoved the other member off of him. He had never seen Simon so angry, so wild. In all of the practices he had seen, Simon was the calm and collected one. He made sure everyone else kept their cool. But tonight, he let everything go. Jeremy could imagine a fire in Simon’s eyes, and if he was being honest, it was incredibly attractive. 

 

As the scrimmage went on, Jeremy could feel himself getting into the game more. Cheering when the Tigers scored a goal, becoming frustrated when there was a call that appeared to be incorrect. Michael was amused, watching his best friend get so excited for a sport, all because of a guy. 

 

“Tigers win!” The referee announced, causing a loud roar from the crowd. 

 

Jeremy and Michael cheered, almost losing their voices from how loud they were trying to be. Although it was just a scrimmage, the entire crowd acted as if it was a championship. It was infectious and fun. 

 

Michael offered Jeremy a ride home but he wanted to hang back. He wanted to congratulate Simon and show his support. “Have fun,” Michael winked at Jeremy, causing the boy to roll his eyes but chuckle.

 

Jeremy hung around the front entrance of the rink, waiting for Simon to emerge from the locker room. He figured they were getting some kind of pep talk from their coach and would be longer than usual, but he didn’t expect Simon to be the last one out. Almost 45 minutes after the scrimmage, Simon finally appeared, and Jeremy brightened up. 

 

He headed over to the brunette and waved to get his attention. Simon stopped talking to an older man - presumably his father - and hesitated before waving back.

 

“I’ll meet you in the car, dad,” Simon said quietly, avoiding Jeremy’s eyes.

 

Simon’s gaze followed his father out the door before turning his attention to Jeremy. “That game was great! Congrats on the win,” Jeremy rambled. 

 

“Thanks, man! I’m so glad you were here to see it.” 

 

Jeremy’s heart swelled at the words. He didn’t know what else to say; everything that came to mind just sounded stupid. 

 

“Hey, I have to go. But I’ll see you next week,” Simon said quickly, before brushing by.

 

“Wait, Simon!” 

 

Simon turned back quickly, a glimmer in his eyes. Jeremy suddenly became very shy and rubbed the back of his neck. “Um, do you want to exchange numbers? Just so that it’s easier to make plans and stuff.” 

 

“Oh! Yeah,” Simon fished his phone out of his back pocket, “here.”

 

Jeremy handed his phone to Simon as he retrieved the other. Numbers and phones were re-exchanged and Simon hesitated before leaving a second time. He suddenly dropped his duffle bag and wrapped his arms around Jeremy’s neck in a soft hug. “Thanks again for staying, Jer.”

 

Simon was gone in a flash, leaving Jeremy in shock of the event that just occured. He grabbed his phone again and searched for Simon’s contact. A giggle escaped his lips as he read the name in the contact: Simon :) 

  
His mind then clicked with what Simon said in his final sentence.  _ Jer. _


	4. Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ! This chapter and the next contain the f-bomb and homophobic slurs. This is a warning, please do not read if it makes you uncomfortable. 
> 
> Simon gets pretty angry in this part!

Simon didn’t show up to the figure skating practice the following Monday. He didn’t want his parents to get suspicious, and he felt stupid after what he did with Jeremy. Why did he hug him? And ‘Jer?’ What was he thinking?

 

_ He was there. He was supportive. And dang did he look good in that sweater -  _ wait, what? 

 

He shook his head as he entered the building. Simon made sure to show up only half and hour before hockey practice this time; he wanted to avoid Jeremy at all costs. 

 

Unfortunately, the boy was able to catch him before he escaped into the locker room. “Hey, Simon. You weren’t at practice today.” Jeremy’s features held disappointment. 

 

“Um, yeah, I didn’t want my parents to worry. I also have to focus on hockey, you know. Get that scholarship,” Simon’s face read indifference, but his insides were burning. 

 

“But last week you said - ”

 

“I know what I said. But figure skating won’t get me into college,” Simon said sternly. 

 

Jeremy hesitated before continuing. “Try one more time? We still haven’t done our private lesson.”

 

Oh, right. Simon had completely forgotten about that after the scrimmage and the moment that happened with Jeremy. Private lessons with Jeremy? More like a disaster. 

 

“What time?” The words slipped through Simon’s lips before he could stop them. 

 

Jeremy returned a soft smile, “how does tomorrow sound? 3:30 like normal?”

 

Simon nodded curtly, before slipping away to the safety of the locker room. He had no idea why he agreed to still do the private lesson. He purposely tried to stay away from him, yet whenever he was around, Simon’s mind turned to liquid and he did stupid things. 

 

He was distracted all throughout practice. He fumbled with his stick, couldn’t make a single shot, and even missed the puck when it was passed to him. “Saunders! What the hell, get your shit together!” The coach yelled at him. 

 

He couldn’t shake his funk. No matter how much he was getting yelled at, or slammed into the side by his teammates, he wasn’t able to get himself focused on hockey. He couldn’t take his mind off of figure skating, private lessons, and Jeremy. 

 

After practice, all of his teammates just glared at him. Some flipped them off as they left, others just ignored him completely.

 

“What the fuck was that, Saunders?” Brian, Simon’s least favorite teammate, spat at him. 

 

Simon shrugged, gaze on the floor below him. 

 

“Is it those stupid fairies who practice before us? Are they turning you into one of them? Soft little dancing faggot fairies?”

 

Anger boiled in Simon as the slur echoed around the room. In an instant he was on his feet and up in Brian’s face. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Simon hissed. 

 

“How cute, you’re defending them,” Brian snickered, shoving Simon away from him. 

 

Simon didn’t know how it happened, or when, but soon enough, he was on the ground, blood on his knuckles. He was beating the boy below him senseless and he couldn’t stop. He was pretty sure Brian was already knocked unconscious but he continued to punch. “Hey,  _ hey! _ ” 

 

Coach Wheelen rushes forward and pulled Simon off of the goalie. “Saunders! Out! Now!” 

 

Simon grabbed his duffle and stormed out, his mind fogged over. He needed to blow off steam, needed to be away from here. He looked around for the boy on his mind, but he was nowhere to be seen. 

 

Luckily, his mom was picking him up that night. When she asked him about his hand and he said he didn’t want to talk about it, she let it go. The older he got, the more his mother seemed to relax about things he did and people he hung out with. She questioned him less and let things go if he didn’t feel like talking. 

 

He was grateful for moments like these. He could sit in silence with his mom, think things over, and if he wanted to talk, he would. But he couldn’t tell her about Jeremy. Nothing good would come of that. 

 

After Simon cleaned up his hand, he scrolled through his contacts and hit Jeremy’s name. 

 

**_Simon:_ ** _ You weren’t around after practice.  _

 

**_Jeremy:_ ** _ I had to go home early, sorry :( _

 

**_Simon:_ ** _ It’s okay, just wanted to see you is all.  _

 

**_Jeremy:_ ** _ Well, you’ll see me tomorrow :) _

 

Simon smiled and set his phone and prayed that sleep would come easy to him that night. 


	5. Part 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ!  
> This chapter may contain the f-bomb and does contain homophobic slurs. Please do not read if not comfortable. 
> 
> Siremy fluff :))

“What happened to your knuckles?” Jeremy grabbed Simon’s hand and examined the broken skin.

 

Simon blushed at the contact and snatched his hand back. “Nothing. Just hockey being hockey,” he lied.

 

He had been doing that a lot, recently, and he wasn’t sure why. He rarely lied before last week, and now he seems to be doing it in every situation.

 

Shouldn’t his parents be okay with this, if it’s what he wants to do? They should support him and offer him rides to practices and go to his competitions. But he knows they won’t. So they can’t know.

 

Why was he lying to Jeremy? The boy seemed to read Simon like a book, yet he insisted on keeping the truth hidden. He should be able to trust Jeremy, right?

 

Jeremy gave him a skeptical look but brushed it off. “Ready to get started then?”

 

Simon nodded and followed the sandy-haired boy out onto the ice. He had Simon start with basic jumps, since he hadn’t practiced in a few days. They moved on to the 3-turn and other basic turns that were similar.

 

“You’re doing great, Simon. You want to try some spins?”

 

Simon was feeling good about getting the turns down, but as soon as he heard the word ‘spin’ his stomach dropped.

 

“Scratch spins aren’t too difficult. Just make sure to keep your torso straight,” Jeremy said, skating over and placing his hands on Simon’s stomach and lower back.

 

Simon’s skin practically burned where Jeremy’s hands were placed. He swallowed thickly.

 

“Stability seems to be your downfall for these tricks. You’re used to hunching down in hockey, but here you have to be upright and proper.” Jeremy’s voice was softer than before, causing goosebumps along Simon’s arms.

 

Jeremy’s hands disappeared and Simon suddenly missed the warmth.

 

He skated around and demonstrated the spin, following with an explanation of how it’s done. Simon’s attempts were feeble, either slipping in the ice, or not being able to complete the entire spin.

 

“You’re so clunky when you skate,” Jeremy chuckled. “Try being more fluid, more delicate.”

 

Simon rose an eyebrow but smiled nonetheless. “I’m a hockey player. We don’t know how to be delicate.”

 

Jeremy rolled his eyes playfully and skated over behind the brunette. “Take off your jacket.”

 

Simon obliged, throwing his windbreaker to the side of the rink, leaving him in a short-sleeved shirt.

 

“Imagine a gentle touch along your arms,” Jeremy’s voice was almost inaudible as he ghosted his fingers on Simon’s skin.

 

Simon shivered and he wasn’t sure if it was from the cold of the rink, or Jeremy’s fingers. “So delicate that you’re not even sure if they’re there.”

 

His breath was on Simon’s neck now. Goosebumps covered his skin, once again. Jeremy didn’t say anything else, but continued to rub the pads of his fingers up and down Simon’s arms. As if he was made of glass. And in the moment, Simon felt as if he was.

 

When his fingers disappeared, Simon almost whimpered at the loss of contact.

 

“That’s what your blade should be doing on the ice,” Jeremy said, skating around so that he was in Simon’s view.

 

A smirk played on his lips. He knew what he was doing and that irked Simon; but also caused heat to pool in his stomach. There was no way he would be able to perform that trick now.

 

Simon nodded but didn’t respond. He was afraid of what would come out if he opened his mouth. Jeremy gestured for him to go again and Simon gritted his teeth. As he started the spin, he knew he wasn’t going to make it.

 

Simon’s blade slipped and he fell to the ground, causing Jeremy to bust into laughter. Simon sat there a moment before laughing himself. “You’re a jerk, you know that?” Simon sputtered.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jeremy answered.

 

Simon held up his hand, “just come help me up.”

 

Jeremy glided over and grabbed his hand, but before he could pull Simon up, Jeremy was pulled down.

 

“What the hell was that?” Jeremy said breathily laughing, shoving the boy next to him.

 

“Payback,” Simon retorted, sticking his tongue out.

 

They sat in silence for a few moments, eyes locked. Jeremy’s blue-gray eyes bore into his and Simon felt like time had stopped. He didn’t remember a single bad thing that had happened recently; his mind was preoccupied with the boy in front of him and how he _really_ wanted to kiss him.

 

But he couldn’t. Shouldn’t. He shouldn’t be feeling this way, but everything in his body wants him to surge forward and pull Jeremy close. _Stop…_ he told himself.

 

“Can you teach me some hockey stuff?” Jeremy finally spoke, which gave Simon a feeling of relief.

 

“Sure, what do you want to know?” Simon slowly got up, helping up Jeremy as well.

 

He ignored the tingling in his hand.

 

“I dunno,” Jeremy shrugged, “anything, honestly. I’ve never even held a hockey stick before.”

 

Simon nodded and went to his bag, grabbing his main stick, his backup, and his worn-out puck.

 

“I’ve never really taught anyone before, so bare with me.”

 

Jeremy nodded and took the stick, attempting to hold it like he had seen at practices. Simon tried to explain how he held his stick, but Jeremy’s hand placement looked awkward.

 

“Um, here,” Simon skated over to the boy and stood behind him. “I hold my stick like this - ”

 

He placed his arms around Jeremy and placed his hands over the taller boy’s, adjusting them until he was comfortable. “That’s what it should feel like,” Simon mumbled.

 

Jeremy swallowed slowly before looking back at Simon. “Thanks.”

 

Simon retracted quickly and grabbed his stick. He threw the puck to Jeremy and told him to hit it. Jeremy fumbled before tapping the puck forward.

 

“You gotta put more into it than that,” Simon chuckled, skating to the puck and smacking it across the rink.

 

Jeremy’s eyes went wide, “that’s a lot more intense when you’re not behind glass.”

 

Simon tilted his head back and let out a hearty laugh. “It can be scary at first, especially when you don’t have gear on.”

 

He collected the puck and gently hit it over to Jeremy. They hit it back and forth for awhile, Simon occasionally showing off and stealing the puck from Jeremy or hitting it a bit too hard. Jeremy tried to be mad, but couldn’t help but smile at the hockey player, watching him do what he loved.

 

The ended up off of the ice, sitting against the wall near the locker rooms. Simon’s legs were stretched out while Jeremy sat cross-legged. “So, what got you into hockey?”

 

Simon looked over at Jeremy before taking a deep breath.

 

“My parents used to take me ice skating a lot, as a kid. My mother loved it. We went every weekend, they even got me lessons. There was one time I saw these two girls doing spins and jumps and I was so amazed. I even tried to do them myself.”

 

Jeremy rose his eyebrows in surprise. He didn’t respond, wanting Simon to continue.

 

“I pointed it out to my mom. I asked her for _those_ kinds of lessons, I wanted to learn how to fly through the air as well as they did. But, my father refused. He said if I wanted to stay on the ice, I’d be doing hockey.”

 

Simon was silent for a few moments and Jeremy thought the story was done. But Simon finished, his voice suddenly very quiet.

 

“So I took hockey lessons. I joined a team. I accidentally came early once and saw the practice before mine. The beautiful dancing and tricks I had once remembered, I got to see them again. So I came early ever since.”

 

“How many years?” Jeremy asked.

 

“Four, I think. Since I joined the local team.”

 

Jeremy hummed as he stared out at the cut up ice. Simon’s eyes lingered on the boy, wishing he would say something else. Jeremy didn’t look at Simon when he spoke again.

 

“Why haven’t you told your parents yet?”

 

“About how I’m figure skating now?”

 

Jeremy nodded.

 

“They wouldn’t understand.”

 

Jeremy finally looked back over at Simon and there was a sad look on his face. Why did he care so much? It wasn’t like Simon was competing or anything, so what did it matter if his parents knew? Simon sighed and silence washed over them once again.

 

Jeremy reached over and took Simon’s cut-up hand and gently rubbed around the cuts. “What really happened?”

 

“You’re very nosy today, aren’t you?”

 

The corners of Jeremy’s lips twitched up and Simon called that a success.

 

“I just care about you, Simon.”

 

Simon watched as the pads of Jeremy’s thumbs ran across his hand. Jeremy really cared about him, and that scared the hell out of Simon.

 

“I beat the crap out of one of my teammates because of what he said about you guys,” Simon admitted.

 

Jeremy gave him a look that asked the question.

 

“He called you guys fairies. And fags. I just… couldn’t handle it anymore. I don’t even remember how I got there, but I just remember blood and punching.”

 

Jeremy laced his fingers with Simon’s. “Thank you. Maybe a bit over dramatic - ” Simon chuckled, “but I really appreciate you standing up for us. For me.”

 

Simon squeezed Jeremy’s hand and moved closer, resting his head on the taller boy’s shoulder.

 

“Thank you for giving me something to stand up for.”


	6. Part 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just more fluff! Conflict in the next part, though, so prepare ;)

For the first time in his life, Simon felt out of place at an ice rink. There was an unfamiliar silence across the crowd in the stands and Simon almost thought he was in the wrong place. 

 

Simon approached the glass surrounding the ice and as his gaze settled on the skater in spandex, he knew he was at a figure skating competition. His jaw almost dropped to the floor at the number of spins the skater had accomplished. 

 

He had seen the skaters at practice do this type of spin, but not with the intensity of this contestant. As the song ended, Simon couldn’t help but clap; he felt as if it was the most respectful thing he could do. 

 

“Hey,” a voice mumbled in his ear, causing him to jump. 

 

Simon turned and a smile immediately creeped onto his lips. “Hey Jer! Did you see that guy? His spins were insane.”

 

Jeremy’s eyes flicked up to the rink and then back down at Simon, shrugging and smirking. “He was alright I guess.” 

 

“Oh whatever,” Simon scoffed, causing Jeremy to chuckle. 

 

Simon took a moment to look over Jeremy and his costume. He wore black velvet pants (as Simon looked around, it seemed to be a common thing) and a simple golden yellow button down. Simon assumed it was made so it allowed for more movement than the standard button down, but  _ dang  _ did he still look fantastic. 

 

Yellow suited Jeremy very well, in Simon’s opinion. He was always warm and open and tried to keep things positive. Every time Jeremy spoke, it reminded Simon of the day they walked out of figure skating practice together, and the sun was making him glow. That’s what his voice sounded like: the setting sun. 

 

Simon couldn’t really deny it now; he had major feelings for this boy. The past couple of weeks slowly built them up and Simon couldn’t stop them. The has rejoined figure skating practices and continued private ones with Jeremy, which meant he saw the boy almost every day. 

 

They talked constantly, learning about each other’s fears and hopes and dreams. Simon learned about Jeremy’s broken home and Jeremy learned about Simon’s dysfunctional one. 

 

_ “It’s all pretend,” Simon had told him one afternoon after a private practice. “We seem like we’re the perfect family, but we’re far from it.” _

 

Jeremy learned about Simon’s love for his baby sister while Simon learned about Jeremy’s love for his best friend Michael.

 

_ “He’s the first one I had told about being pansexual,” Jeremy confessed. “I didn’t think anyone else would understand.”  _

 

Every conversation had Simon’s heart grasping harder, until it started to ache. 

 

“I’m up next,” Jeremy told Simon as the next skater was entering the rink. “Wish me luck.”

 

“Good luck,” Simon gave him a smile. 

 

As Jeremy walked away, Simon suddenly grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. A confused look washed over Jeremy’s face, but was quickly replaced with a love-struck smile as Simon’s lips hit his cheek. 

 

Simon attempted to find a good spot on the bleachers while the next skater was performing. He received some grumbles from other people but luckily was able to find a spot near the middle. 

 

He watched the current skater carefully as she finished up, attempting to make a mental note of her technique and approach, like he was told to do in practices. He clapped politely as she finished and had to hold back the urge to yell for Jeremy as he skated into position for his performance. 

 

Simon had seen his routine once before, but Jeremy said they changed it a lot, to make it more interesting and fit more to his technique level. Simon had tried not to watch during practices - he wanted to keep it a surprise - but there were some moments he couldn’t tear his eyes away. 

 

The familiar song started ringing through the rink and a small smile formed on his lips as Jeremy started. 

 

His new routine was a lot more fluid than before. He used his body to twist and bend in such a beautiful and emotional way. His turns were on point, his spins were flawless, he was really telling a story. 

 

It was amazing. 

 

Simon rushed to the exit of the rink when Jeremy finished to give him a quick “you did fantastic!” before he escaped to the locker rooms where the rest of the competition was. 

 

He watched the rest of the skaters until the results were announced of who was continuing on to finals. Each skater was lined up in the middle of the rink as the announcer recited names. Simon held his breath. 

 

“ _ Trisha Lincoln!” _

 

_ “James Simon!” _

 

_ “Rachel Adams!” _

 

_ “Jeremy Travers!” _

 

Simon let out a breathy laugh and did a small fist pump to himself. He didn’t even hear the fifth finalist and jumped out of his seat when applause erupted from the crowd. His cheeks hurt from smiling so hard but he didn’t care. Jeremy was going to finals and he couldn’t be more proud.

 

Simon waited outside the front entrance for over half an hour before he finally saw the finalists walk out. When his eyes caught Jeremy’s his smile returned and he rushed over to him. 

 

Jeremy wrapped him in a hug, spinning Simon who couldn’t help but laugh. “How did you like it?” Jeremy asked him, arms still around his waist.  

 

“It was really amazing, Jer.”

 

Simon lifted the metal around Jeremy’s neck and examined it. “I’m really proud of you, Jeremy.”

 

There was a look that crossed Jeremy’s features that Simon couldn’t quite place. He was absolutely extatic, for sure, but there was something else; as if he had never been told that someone was proud of him. 

 

If Jeremy hadn’t been so happy, Simon’s heart probably would’ve hurt. But he was glad he could make Jeremy be that happy. “Hey, did you drive here?” Jeremy asked. 

 

Simon nodded. “Good. Michael drove me here, but I’ll tell him to head out with out me. I want to show you something,” Jeremy squeezed Simon’s waist. 

 

They found Michael before leaving, a smug “use protection!” being his response. Simon laughed while Jeremy looked mortified, only causing Simon to laugh harder. 

 

The sun was setting and Jeremy was jamming along to the radio. Simon couldn’t help but think of this as a perfect moment. He wished time could freeze and he could sit here, listen to Jeremy’s voice and just drive forever. 

 

Simon followed Jeremy’s directions to an old, vacant house. Simon gave the taller boy a quizzical look as they linked hands and Jeremy pulled him to the backyard. 

 

The back looked nothing like the front. It was a lucious green, with trees everywhere. Different colored flowers covered the yard and there was a single swinging bench at the very end. 

 

The bench overlooked a large field that had just been freshly planted with crops. 

 

“Wow,” Simon whispered. 

 

“You like it?” Jeremy smiled back at him. 

 

Simon could only nod. 

 

“This used to be my old house. The state took it and no one wanted to buy it. So it became my safe place,” Jeremy told him, guiding the brunette to the bench. 

 

“You kept it up?”

 

Jeremy nodded, “only in the back. So no one became suspicious.” 

 

Silence washed over them as they watched the sun lower below the horizon. A breeze blew by and Simon closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Another moment where he wanted time to freeze. 

 

“Thank you for coming today. It means the world to me.” Jeremy’s voice was barely audible. 

 

“Could your parents not make it?”

 

Jeremy shook his head. “They’ve never come. They don’t care.”

 

That’s when Simon realized how different their lives seemed to be. Jeremy’s parents didn’t care at all, while his cared too much. Jeremy seemed to yearn for companionship and acceptance, while Simon wanted his parents to leave him alone. 

 

No wonder Jeremy was so happy to hear Simon say he was proud. Not even his own parents were. 

 

Simon grabbed Jeremy’s hand. “I do. I care a lot.”

 

Jeremy looked at Simon longingly, tears in his eyes. He carefully leaned forward, closing the small space between them. 

 

Simon had been kissed before. More than once. But never did it feel like this. As Jeremy’s lips moved with his, his entire body felt as if it was on fire. His fingertips tingled as they weaved their way through the other boy’s hair. He could swear his heart was going to explode from his chest. 

 

Jeremy felt like he was floating. Fingers desperately curling in Simon’s shirt, tears threatening to fall down his cheeks. He had never felt so much emotion from someone before, his mind was going wild. 

 

Their kisses were intense yet slow, causing time to feel like it was going through slow motion, for both of them. Each touch, each breath, each sound was heightened. 

 

As Jeremy slowly pulled away, Simon followed his lips, pressing back quickly. Jeremy chuckled but continued to pull back, “Simon.”

 

A low whine escaped Simon’s throat, causing Jeremy’s cheeks to heat up even more (if that was possible). “Simon, as much as I would love to continue this all night, I should probably get home.” 

 

Simon looked at his watch and was surprised at how much time had passed. “Let’s get you home, then,” Simon replied, standing up and reaching out his hand. 

 

When they arrived, Simon walked him to his door. “Thank you, for showing me your safe space.”

 

Jeremy leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss against Simon’s lips. 

 

“Goodnight.”


	7. Part 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is short but it leads up to the next part! Might add more later...

“Where are you headed, Simon?” Robert Saunders asked as Simon’s hand touched the doorknob. 

 

Simon froze, his heart speeding up in panic. Why was his dad home so early? His mom was always home early because of picking up his sister from school; it became a weekly routine to ‘practice for hockey’ on Tuesday’s. 

 

But now his dad was home. 

 

“Just doing some extra practice for the playoff game this Friday,” Simon told him. 

 

His heart dropped at the lie, but it didn’t hurt as much as it used to. 

 

“Oh, great. I’m glad you’re putting in the extra work. I got some talent scouts from local colleges to come and watch the game this Friday.”

 

Simon felt like he was going to be sick. 

 

“What?”

 

Robert had a bright smile, “You’re a junior this year, I figured it would be a good time for them to start looking.”

 

Simon could barely swallow as he turned to his dad. “Wow, that’s so awesome. Thanks, dad!” Simon almost cringed at how fake his enthusiasm sounded. 

 

But Mr. Saunders seemed to believe it as he let Simon slip out the door. 

 

He texted Jeremy immediately. 

 

**_Simon:_ ** _ I’ll be there in 15. _

 

**_Jeremy:_ ** _ Oh, Simon. I can’t make it today, I’m sorry :( _

 

Simon stopped in his tracks. 

 

**_Jeremy:_ ** _ It’s a last minute thing, I have family coming into town soon. I’ll make it up to you, I promise xx _

 

**_Simon:_ ** _ It’s okay, I understand last minute family stuff. Have fun, okay? _

 

**_Jeremy:_ ** _ <3 _

 

Simon couldn’t stop shaking as he walked to the rink. He felt like wanted to burst into tears, but he couldn’t. Shouldn’t. He had made such a mess of things. Ever since he started figure skating, his focus has been shifted to that and to Jeremy. 

 

Everyone could tell a difference at practice. He continued to get crap for it but his team eventually got used to it, lowering their expectations for the boy. Their strategies were still tight when they practiced, but Simon never performed as intensely as he used to. 

 

He contemplated what he should actually practice, as he sat in the bleachers, head in his hands. Now that Jeremy wasn’t coming, he could actually practice  _ hockey _ , but they were going to practice the Lutz today, and Simon was actually excited. 

 

He grabbed his phone and pulled up Youtube tutorials of how the jump spin was performed and decided that’s what he wanted to practice. He knew he should worry about hockey, but he felt like he was going to jump out of his skin every time he remembered  _ talent scouts. _

 

He watched a few different videos before putting on his skates and going out to the ice. He remembered what Jeremy would always say:  _ if you’re going for it, commit, or you could hurt yourself.  _

 

It was different when someone else was there, though. Jeremy could tell him if his technique was wrong or if he was doing something that could injure him. 

 

Now, he just had to trust himself. 

 

He practiced the movement flat on ice, first, slowly moving to jumps and twisting in the air. 

 

He was nervous to try a move like this by himself. He skated around until he was able to gain the courage to try it. 

 

He took a breath before he braced himself and skated forward, leaping in the air and - 

 

He didn’t commit, he wasn’t ready,  _ he didn’t commit - _

 

Simon screamed as he landed on the ice, pain shooting up through his left leg. Tears streamed down his face and sobs started escaping his lips. He clutched at his lower leg, trying to move his ankle, but any small move sent more pain. 

 

He carefully reached for his phone in his jacket and dialed. 

 

“Dad?” He tried to hold back tears and sound strong, but his voice came out shattered. “I think I broke my ankle.”


	8. Part 8

Simon felt numb. He felt like his whole world was falling apart around him. He couldn’t focus on anything that was happening in his surroundings. As his parents argued out in the hallway, the scene kept replaying in Simon’s mind, like a broken record.

 

_ Robert Saunders came rushing to his son’s side, gently picking up the broken boy. Simon’s tears had dried but left stains on his face. He winced harshly as he was lifted into the air and carried back to his father’s car.  _

 

_ “What happened?” _

 

_ Simon swears it was the first time his father was concerned about him. Or appeared to be concerned, anyway. Simon shook his head, afraid to speak. He felt sick and dizzy. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen if he were to open his mouth. _

 

_ It was a quick ride to the hospital and as he rode down the hallway in a wheelchair, tears started falling again. This time, he didn’t care if his dad saw. It just hurt too damn much. All of this; everything.  _

 

_ “Luckily, it’s just a severe sprain and not breakage. But it still needs a cast and will be on for a few weeks,” the doctor informed Simon and his parents.  _

 

_ The doctor slipped out to inform the nurses and get the equipment needed, leaving Simon alone with his mother and father. _

 

_ “Son, what happened?” Mr. Saunders asked again. _

 

_ Simon closed his eyes before taking a deep breath. “I was… practicing. I was practicing the Lutz by myself and I fell.” _

 

_ “The Lutz? What the hell is that?” His father’s anger started to grow. _

 

_ “Robert!” Mrs. Saunders scolded him. _

 

_ “Figure skating, dad. It’s a figure skating move.” _

 

_ The room went deafeningly silent. Simon opened his eyes slowly and saw that his dad moved to the corner of the room, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. His mother gently placed a hand on his knee. _

 

_ “You’re telling me, that you ruined your  _ biggest  _ chance of a scholarship, on  _ dancing!”  _ Robert’s voice rose as he talked, practically spitting out the last word. _

 

_ “Dad, it’s not just - ” _

 

_ “Not just what?! You wasted my time, your coach’s time, your  _ team’s  _ time, all for a stupid girly skating routine?  _ A FULL RIDE, SIMON!”  _ He was screaming at this point. “I can’t believe you did this. Where the hell did you start learning this stuff anyway?” _

 

_ Simon’s breath shuddered as he breathed out. _

 

_ “ _ Answer me!”

 

_ “I was going to the practices that were held before hockey. They wanted me to join. All the extra practicing I did wasn’t for hockey. It was figure skating.”  _

 

_ Simon’s father slammed his hand on the patient bed, causing Simon to flinch. His father stormed out of the room, followed by his mother who was trying to soothe him. _

 

He was so stupid. How could he disappoint his father like this? He ruined everything, all for a stupid sport he wasn’t even going to compete in? Or do anything with it in the future? He broke himself for  _ figure skating _ and for - 

 

A soft knock slipped Simon out of his thoughts. The doctor came in and explained everything that needed to be done. The yelling of his parents seemed to disappear and Simon sighed deeply for the first time since he had gotten to the hospital. 

  
  


Simon remained in his room for the rest of the night, soft music flowing through his speakers. Currently, _Left Behind_ from Spring Awakening was playing while his knees were pulled to his chest, head hidden. A buzz from his phone startled him. 

 

He saw Jeremy’s name and shut his phone off quickly. If he hadn’t gone to figure skating practices, if he hadn’t agreed to participate, if he hadn’t met - 

 

Another buzz.

 

Simon hadn’t told Jeremy about what happened. He couldn’t muster up the courage to tell the boy. He was afraid what he would say; how he would sound.

 

Two more buzzes. 

 

Simon groaned and finally read the messages.

 

**_Jeremy:_ ** _ Hey, how was your practicing? What did you work on? _

**_Jeremy:_ ** _ I hope it wasn’t anything too exciting, that could be dangerous :P _

 

**_Jeremy:_ ** _ Are you okay? _

 

**_Jeremy:_ ** _ Simon? _

 

**_Simon:_ ** _ Talk tomorrow, k? I can’t go anywhere though. So it has to be my house. _

 

**_Jeremy:_ ** _ Okay? At least let me know you’re okay? _

 

**_Simon:_ ** _ No. I’m not. _

 

**_Jeremy:_ ** _ Oh. _

 

Another wave of tears. Simon was surprised he could even cry anymore. He hadn’t cried this much since he was younger. He wanted it to stop. He wanted all of these feelings to stop.

  
  


Simon woke up to a text.

 

**_Jeremy:_ ** _ What time? _

 

**_Simon:_ ** _ Give me 2 hours. _

 

Simon struggled to take a shower, embarrassed to be needing his mother’s help. The table was silent as they all ate their breakfast. Simon’s father left the room as soon as he was done, his mother trailing behind to talk to him. Emma reached across the table and patted Simon’s hand. “Everything will be okay,” she told him.

 

He couldn’t help but smile at his wonderful sister. “Thank you,” he whispered in reply.

 

When the doorbell ring echoed through the house, Simon felt his stomach drop. “I got it!” He yelled across the house, hoping his parents heard him.

 

He struggled with his crutches, fumbling and hopping to the door. It took him a moment to grasp the handle with his crutches in hand but finally cracked it open. He hobbled out the front door, watching Jeremy’s reaction out of his peripheral vision. “Could you close the door for me?” Simon asked him.

 

Jeremy nodded silently and joined Simon on the front porch swing. “What happened, Simon?” Jeremy asked quickly, grabbing Simon’s hand.

 

Simon yanked his hand away as if he had been burned. “Please,” he whispered. “Don’t touch me.”

 

Simon’s eyes stayed on his lap, afraid to see the look on Jeremy’s face. “Simon, please tell me what happened.”

 

“Stupid figure skating is what happened!” Simon said loudly, throwing his hands up. 

 

A tense silence washed over them. The creaking of the chair seemed to only infuriate Simon further, when Jeremy replied, “I don’t understand - ”

 

“Of course you don’t understand! Your parents don’t give a shit! You can do whatever you want and they don’t care, but mine do! I ruined the biggest opportunity I had by spraining my ankle and I’ve disappointed my family and it’s all because of this stupid figure skating!”

 

Simon took a breath before standing up and leaning against the porch railing in front of him.

 

“I could’ve gotten a scholarship, Jeremy! Talent scouts were coming to my game this Friday. But look what you and your stupid sport have done!”

 

Jeremy jumped up, “this is  _ not _ my fault. I didn’t make you come to practice. You did that all on your own. Do  _ not  _ blame me.”

 

Simon rubbed his face with his hands. “This fucking sucks!” He slammed his hand down on the railing, watching Jeremy flinch.

 

His mind flashed back to the day before when his father had done something similar. Jeremy started to walk away but appeared to remember something. He turned back to Simon, anger contorting his features. 

 

“And don’t you dare think it’s better to have parents that don’t care. I would rather have disappointed parents than parents that didn’t know if I was dead in a ditch or something! At least they took you to the hospital! My dad is probably passed out from drinking and my mom probably wouldn’t have answered my call.”

 

Jeremy stomped down the front steps and Simon’s gaze watched him storm away. He wanted to say something - apologize - for what he said. He never meant it like that. But he couldn’t seem to find the words in the moment. Simon felt as if his whole life was going through a paper shredder. Each aspect ripping apart and getting jumbled together. He lost the ability to do either thing he loved, he lost any chance of being picked up for a college, his parents were screaming at each other because of him, and now he lost the boy who he felt so many things for, most of which he couldn’t describe. 

 

He sat back down on the porch swing and laid his head back. How he wished he could go back in time and decline the request to figure skate. None of this would have happened. He would be at hockey practice this afternoon, preparing for the big game, preparing to impress. He would’ve never wasted time, he would’ve never distracted himself. He would’ve never met Jeremy.


	9. Part 9

Time was a blur. Simon never really knew what day it was, or what he was supposed to be doing. His mind was on autopilot as he went through the motions of life. 

 

Not too soon after the incident, his father would leave in the late hours after the night, after they were supposed to be asleep. And then he would magically appear in the morning for ‘family breakfast.’ Simon never brought it up; he couldn’t hurt his sister like that. 

 

He went to school like normal but started slipping away. He didn’t have the motivation to do homework assignments and he started to fall asleep in class. He had more detentions in the following week than he had ever had in his school career, and his parents took notice.

 

_ “Simon, this has to stop. You can’t do this to yourself.” “You still have a future ahead of you, one injury shouldn’t ruin your whole life.” “You need to focus.” _

 

He continued to show up to hockey practices, sitting out and observing. The team had gotten better since his injury. He knew he was holding them back.  _ You’re the best one on that team… _

 

Someone had found out about him and Jeremy and decided to tell the whole team. The team spat at him and threw slur words around. One night, after practice got done early, each team member took turns at hitting or kicking Simon, calling him a fag and that he should be kicked off the team or to kill himself. 

 

He didn’t feel any of it. His mind was completely shut off and numb to it entirely.

 

Simon doesn’t remember when he just stopped caring completely, but it sucked. He wanted so bad to just scream at the top of his lungs and change everything back to the way it was. He used to be strong.

 

He used to be happy.

 

Should he have talked to his mom? Probably. But she didn’t know everything that went on - didn’t know what happened in his life the past few weeks. Simon was pretty sure she still didn’t even know about Jeremy, didn’t know that he beat someone up, didn’t know  _ he  _ took a beating.

 

If she did, she didn’t say anything.

 

He kinda wished she would.

 

Simon was not used to asking for help or guidance. He usually figured things out by himself. But he finally got to a point where he didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to handle things anymore. His life was accelerating downward with no sign of stopping.

 

There was one person who probably knew him better than anyone. But Simon knew he wouldn’t answer his calls or texts. Not after what happened between them. He had to face the situation, head on. But how?

 

One afternoon - a Saturday? Simon thinks - he decided to get on Facebook and contact the only person who would be able to help.

 

**_Simon:_ ** _ Hey, Michael. Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you had Jeremy’s address? _

 

**_Michael Hallowell:_ ** _ And why should I give it to you? _

 

Simon sighed. This wasn’t going to be easy.

 

**_Simon:_ ** _ Listen, I’ve messed up a lot of things in my life, and Jeremy is the only one I can talk to about it. _

 

**_Michael Hallowell:_ ** _ Well you fucked up with Jeremy pretty badly. You don’t deserve for him to listen to your bullshit. _

 

He was right. Everyone was right. He didn’t deserve any breaks after what he had done recently. 

 

**_Simon:_ ** _ Michael, I know you’re not the one I should be saying this to, but I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for everything I said to Jeremy. I know an apology is a useless thing, but I don’t know how else to fix it. And to properly fix it, I need to be able to talk to him. _

 

Simon could feel his heartbeat in his ears as he waited for a response. This was the one moment that Simon was hyper-aware of time, listening to the slow ticks of the clock on his wall.

 

**_Michael Hallowell:_ ** _ Have you tried texting him? _

 

Simon rolled his eyes.

 

**_Simon:_ ** _ You know he won’t respond. It wouldn’t be the same, anyway. Not being able to apologize in person. _

 

More silence. Some days he missed the old days of having to call someone up or just find them in order to have a conversation.

 

**_Michael Hallowell:_ ** _ Just do me one favor. Explain  _ why  _ you’re apologizing to him. Not just what for. He needs to know why you were angry, or it doesn’t help anything. _

 

Another message containing an address popped up and Simon cracked a smile for the first time since his accident. It felt foreign; it felt… good. 

 

He scribbled down the address and quickly hobbled to the living room where his mother sat. “Can you drive me somewhere?” He asked in a rapid tone.

 

“Honey, are you alright?”

 

Simon nodded so quickly that his neck started to hurt. “I just… need to go somewhere. Please.”

 

His mother immediately got up from her chair and grabbed her purse and keys, gesturing for Simon to follow. He gave her the address and she eyed it with a funny look before punching it into her phone. They drove in silence. The closer they got to the destination, the harder his heart was beating.

 

What was he going to say? What was he going to do? This was a mistake. He shouldn’t be doing this. What the hell was he thinking - 

 

“We’re here.”

 

Simon’s heart stopped, along with his breathing. 

 

“Are you sure we’re at the right house, honey? This is a pretty bad part of town.”

 

Simon swallowed thickly and looked back down at the address on his paper. He compared it to the address on the mailbox and nodded slowly. “This is it.”

 

Every moment he made felt as if he was under water. The air around him felt thick and he could barely move forward. He eventually made it to the front door, stumbling up the bricks that were meant to act as stairs.

 

As his knuckles rapped on the door, he was almost sure it was too quiet for anyone to hear. He waited a few moments before lifting his hand to knock again when the door suddenly swung open.

 

“Yeah?”

 

The woman that stood before him was not who he imagined Jeremy’s mother to be. Her hair was in a balled up mess placed on her head, an ill-fitting tank top hung on her torso, along with a ripped pair of knee-length jean shorts. A cigarette hung from her lips and her hand was placed lazily on her hip. 

 

“What do you want?” Her question snapped Simon back to reality.

 

“Is Jeremy Travers here?”

 

The woman - Mrs. Travers - gave Simon a once-over before turning her head back and screaming Jeremy’s name. “He’ll be here in a second.”

 

She disappeared back into the small house and Simon turned to his car.  _ I’m fine, you can go. _ He mouthed to his mother while giving a thumbs up. She returned a skeptical look but nodded.

 

Simon heard the door open again and was met with the beautiful boy he missed seeing. “Simon?” Jeremy looked back in his house before closing the door quickly and quietly. “What are you doing here?”

 

Concern flashed across Jeremy’s features before returning to a more neutral, unreadable expression. His usual blue eyes were more of a stormy gray, which made Simon feel uneasy.

 

“I need to talk to you. I… ” Simon couldn’t find the words. He couldn’t do this here; not on the front steps of a place he didn’t know.

 

“Talk to me about what? You were pretty clear before that everything was my fault. So just leave it at that.” Jeremy’s tone was cold and harsh. 

 

Jeremy was still mad; he had every right to be.

 

An idea flashed through Simon’s mind and he almost gasped. “Can we… go to your safe haven? I just. I need to talk to you.”

 

Jeremy’s eyes softened at the mention of his old house. Simon could almost see as Jeremy remember the moment they shared there. Simon thought of it, too.

 

Without a word, Jeremy disappeared into his house, returning with keys in his hand. He passed Simon without a second glance and Simon only assumed he should follow suit. 

 

The only sounds in the car were the song flowing from the radio and Jeremy’s soft singing. Simon had never heard Jeremy sing and was almost surprised at how good his voice was. Definitely not what he expected. 

 

_ “ _ _ Hollow, a doubt can make it _

_ Borrowed a love that never came _

_ Followed in every other shade” _

 

Simon closed his eyes and just… listened. He was almost entranced. 

 

_ “In all your blame, in all your pain _

_ I will carry you always” _

 

The car came to a stop and the radio was silenced, along with Jeremy’s voice. When Simon stepped out of the car, he took a deep breath and smiled at the smell of nature. He never realized how calming it really was until he just stopped for a moment and  _ breathed. _

 

“You coming?” Jeremy’s voice floated into Simon’s ears again.

 

Simon nodded and trailed behind the taller boy. They sat in the same swing they had previously, only this time they were miles apart. Minutes passed without any words shared between them. Simon would glance at Jeremy, Jeremy would glance at Simon. Simon almost forgot why they were here in the first place. He wished he could just grab the other boy’s hand and just go back to the way things were.

 

“What did you want to say?” Jeremy was being blunt. To the point. It made Simon’s heart hurt.

 

Brown eyes met gray. “I’m… so sorry, Jeremy. Really, really sorry.”

 

A beat.

 

“That’s it?”

 

Simon shook his head. There was more. Tons and tons more. He just… “I’m bad with words. I don’t know where to start.”

 

Jeremy nodded, mouth in a flat line. “I don’t know your home life. You’ve told me about it, but that’s not the same as living with it. I have no idea what you’re going through. I… shouldn’t have said it was better than mine,” Simon admitted, moving closer to Jeremy.

 

When the other boy didn’t say anything, Simon continued. “I was just, mad. Mad at my situation, mad at what had happened, mad at…”

 

“Yourself?” Jeremy finished for him.

 

“Yes. Completely pissed at myself. Not at you. Not at my parents or figure skating or whatever. I just. My head was a mess. I don’t know why I blamed you. It was never your fault.”

 

“No, it wasn’t. I didn’t deserve that.”

 

Another moment.

 

“I get blamed. For everything,” Jeremy confessed. “And when you started saying it was my fault, I just… I couldn’t handle someone else being disappointed in me. Accusing me of something I didn’t do. It sucked.”   
  
A breath.

 

“And then, all that stuff about how it was better that my parents didn’t care. I trusted you with all of that, Simon. I told you how horrible it was.”

 

Simon nodded slowly. He remembered every conversation at the rink. How Jeremy cried as he told certain stories, how he would shake during others. 

 

“I’m so sorry, Jer. I should have never blamed you. I don’t. I blame myself and my own stupidity.”

 

Simon slowly moved as close as he could to the sandy-haired boy in order to grab his hand. He laced their fingers together and squeezed, trying to get a response. 

 

“I accept your apology.”

 

_ Was he forgiven? _

 

“This is gonna take time, you know,” Jeremy’s thumb started brushing over Simon’s knuckles. 

 

_ He knew.  _ Everything always took time. And that was what killed him. But he would do everything in his power to earn his trust back; earn back the love he once had from Jeremy.

 

Simon leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jeremy’s cheek. Simon watched as a light tint of red covered that area along with his nose and ears, causing the corners of his mouth to twitch up.

 

Maybe they’d be okay.

 

Simon hoped.


	10. Part 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this doesn’t flow as well with the rest of the story. I went back and re-read it to try to keep the flow the same but it’s been so long since i’ve wrote for this story. 
> 
> Anyway, this is mostly just a fluff and end chapter, so, enjoy! Feedback is appreciated. Thank you so much for reading this story and it’s the first multi chapter fic i’ve ever finished, so i’m pretty happy!

Cheers erupted around Simon as the skater on the ice bowed. Simon clapped out of courtesy, although the performance hadn’t actually impressed him. He figured it was because he still didn’t know enough about figure skating to understand the complexity of it all. 

 

His heart leaped as he watched a beautiful boy enter the rink. Black pants, yellow button down, dazzling smile. Simon held his breath as the song started and the chattering around him died down. At the point, the routine was burned into Simon’s mind, but he knew this performance was going to be completely different from the rest. This was the finals. Jeremy was going to put his entire soul into this last performance. 

 

Jeremy’s face read pure joy and excitement, but Simon knew he was terrified inside. 

 

The way Jeremy’s entire body moved was so effortless, like he was flying. He made every move seem so easy and soft applause echoed through the large rink after certain tricks. 

 

A small smile appeared on Simon’s lips as Jeremy successfully landed a move that he had kept messing up on. It was a flawless execution and it made Simon excited. 

 

As the performance came to a close, Simon knew this was the best performance he gave, with only one minuscule slip-up that Simon could see. Jeremy had a chance of winning this thing. 

 

He jumped up out of his seat and clapped his hands as loud as he could. He cheeks were stretched up in a wide, toothy smile and his heart was fluttering with pride.

  
  


 

 

Everything was a blur until the awards ceremony. Simon couldn’t focus on any other skaters. His leg jiggled with nervousness and anticipation, wondering what could be going on in Jeremy’s mind at that moment. As he watched five people skate onto the empty rink, Simon’s eyes were immediately glued to Jeremy. 

 

It didn’t take long for a voice to boom overhead. “In fifth place…”

 

Simon held his breath. 

 

“James Simon!”

 

A sigh of relief. He could see it on Jeremy’s face as well. 

 

“Fourth place… Trisha Lincoln!”

 

Jeremy’s smile grew just a bit wider. 

 

“Third place… Lily Hansen!”

 

Simon’s heart was pounding in his chest. 

 

“Second place… Jeremy Travers!”

 

Simon sucked in a harsh breath and he watched Jeremy’s smile falter. His mouth formed the words ‘thank you’ as the medal was placed around his neck. He kept a weak smile on his lips as the winner was announced and Simon ran hobbled down the bleachers - as fast as his boot would let him - as soon as he saw it was acceptable to leave.

 

As Jeremy exited the ice, Simon grabbed his hand and squeezed, hoping to make the taller boy feel just a little bit better. Jeremy was silent as they walked to the locker rooms and Simon was trying to find the right words to say. 

 

He couldn’t think of anything other than ‘you did absolutely amazing’ or ‘you were robbed of your win’ but he didn’t think either statement would make Jeremy feel any differently. 

 

When Jeremy emerged, Simon instantly laced their fingers together and started rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb. They started their short journey to the car and Simon just said the first thing that came to mind. “You were really amazing, Jer. I mean it.”

 

Jeremy nodded. “Thanks. It was my best performance, I think. Second place isn’t bad at all, you know.”

 

He lifted the medal off of his chest and let it flop back down. 

 

“No, it’s not bad, but I know how much it meant to you. To win, I mean.”

 

Jeremy flashed Simon a sincere grin, “I’m just glad I made it to the finals. I’m really proud of how far I’ve come.”

 

“I’m proud of you, too, Jeremy. So proud.” Simon squeezed his hand and Jeremy leaned into him more. 

  
  


 

 

Later that night, Simon sat on Jeremy’s bedroom floor, back against his bed, and his legs out. Jeremy was on his lap with his head in the crook of the brunette’s neck. Simon’s fingers gently rubbed up and down the other boy’s spine. They had sat in silence since they got back to the house, neither boy knowing what to do or say. 

 

Jeremy finally lifted his head and pressed a chaste kiss to Simon’s upper lip and leaned his forehead forward, until it touched Simon’s. “Thank you,” he whispered so quietly, Simon almost didn’t hear it. 

 

“For what?” Simon brought his fingers to the back of Jeremy’s neck. 

 

“Being here. Caring for me. Being proud of me. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.” A soft laugh escaped his lips. “Sorry that was super cheesy.”

 

The corners of the Simon’s lips curled up. He brushed his nose against Jeremy’s before pressing a soft, slow kiss to his chapped lips. “You’re just a cheesy person, you can’t help it.”

 

Jeremy leaned back and held a hand to his heart in mock-offense. He couldn’t hold the expression long before bursting into a fit of giggles. 

 

Jeremy leaned back in and captured Simon’s mouth in a kiss once again. His fingers curled in Simon’s shirt and he felt Simon hum with content. Simon tilted his head to deepen the kiss and ran his tongue along Jeremy’s bottom lip. His fingers slid into his sandy hair and Jeremy sighed, allowing the other boy to explore his mouth.

 

Mouths moved together in synch while hands slowly moved across bodies. They were in their own little world of happiness and safety. 

 

Jeremy pulled back slowly and Simon chased his lips, not wanting the moment to end. “Simon, wait.”

 

Simon hummed in question. 

 

“We’ve been doing… this,” Jeremy gestured between the two of them, “for awhile now. I’m just wondering… what are we?” 

 

Simon’s hands fell to Jeremy’s waist and squeezed. “Well, I would like to be with you. Like… your boyfriend. If you want that?” 

 

Jeremy gave the brunette a toothy grin. “I definitely want that.” 

 

Simon leaned up and kissed him again. “Good,” he whispered against his lips. 

 

“You know,” Jeremy started, as Simon started pecking along his neck, “it seems that the ice rink isn’t just for skating.”

 

Simon pulled back with a puzzled look on his face. “What else is it for then?”

 

“Finding love.”

 

Simon let out a hearty laugh and nudged the other boy playfully. “You’re so cheesy!”

 

Jeremy shrugged, laughing as well. “Yeah, but you love it.” 

 

Simon nodded, “yes, I do.”


End file.
